Suspicious Minds

I grew up in a household that was plagued with marital strife.  My father was a dictator . . . a veritable modern day Napoleon.  My mother did what most women did back then, she gave up her job at the Bell Telephone Company as soon as she married dad and started having kids.  It was so sad to see a beautiful and intelligent woman have to beg for money for groceries and clothes for us kids.  She used to wear the same house dress day in and out because the old man was such a tightwad. She deserved so much better than the life that she lived!  Dad was classically passive aggressive and mom was always so depressed and lonely.

Watching the way that my mother was treated made me into what I am today.  I was determined to get a good education so that I could stand on my own two feet and not have to take any shit from a husband or anybody else.  As a matter of fact, I swore up and down that I'd never get married, but somehow, here I am now in my second marriage.

My spouse is very reliable and dependable and has many admirable qualities. However, this is his third marriage and bad experiences have caused him to have a hard time with trust. He doesn't trust me to have any friends or talk much to anybody at all.  I have made some really nice friends through Facebook, and one of them is very special and close.  As a result, accusations have been flying frequently, which is unfair as I've not done anything wrong.

So now I'm at a point where I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.  I stand accused of doing things that I haven't done. This isn't fair and it just can't go on!

One of my favorite songs by Elvis Presley describes the situation that I find myself in now:

We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds

Yes, Elvis you were right! I've always bent over backwards to keep peace and harmony at home, often at my own expense.  I'm tired of sacrificing my needs for others, especially when I stand accused of doing things that I haven't done! 

A very close friend recently sent me this beautiful picture:

She's right, I really do need to follow my heart. And rest assured, I will.