This post is a sequel to my last one named "Alive and Kicking". I sit here this morning in anticipation of undergoing a full hysterectomy at 4:00 PM today. The procedure will be done using a DaVinci robot and is scheduled for 2-1/2 hours. If any pathology is discovered, I will have to undergo a full laparotomy where the doctor will examine my other abdominal organs and take biopsies.
I pray to God that they don't find any pathology and that I'll be done in less than 2-1/2 hours! I want to stay my requisite night in the hospital and go home! I want to go on my cruise to the Panama Canal on the 19th of this month! I want to be healthy and be here for my family and friends!
I woke up this morning and found a sweet note from my daughter and a note and picture of a beautiful angel from Tegs on my Facebook wall. I saw this as a sign that there will be angels watching over me and everything will be okay! Here is the angel picture that was on my wall this morning:
Teg's Angel
I pray that God and his angels will watch over me today and keep me safe! I also pray for anybody else undergoing surgery at this time as well.
I've been having cramp like pains in my lower abdomen for over a month now. During the last few weeks or so, the pains started to go into my lower back as well. This really worried me since I had to be hospitalized for a bad kidney infection last April. I couldn't get in to see my GP all month, so on two separate occasions I attended appointments with her associates to try to find out what was wrong with me and get it treated. On both occasions I ended up getting antibiotics prescribed to treat a bladder infection. However, the cramps didn't go away. The Friday before last I tried to get an appointment to see my Gynecologist, only to hear that she's on Maternity Leave. Meanwhile, my GP was still booked solid and I was really hurting! Consequently, I spent the entire day Saturday before last at the Emergency Room.
I forced myself to leave the house and drive to the ER. When I got there, the Waiting Room was empty and they admitted me right away. They gave me an IV, took some blood tests, then gave me a CAT Scan. The CAT Scan revealed what looked like an abnormal left ovary, so the ER doctor ordered an Ultrasound. The Ultrasound revealed an enlarged left ovary with a lesion, cysts in the right ovary, and uterine fibroid tumors. The ovarian cysts and fibroid tumors were not a surprise as they had shown up in an Ultrasound back in April and didn't appear to be too much of a problem back then.
The ER doctor prescribed some Vicodin and called an associate of his who is a Gynecologist to set me up for an appointment early in the week. I saw the Gynecologist last Tuesday and she told me that she was still waiting on the results of a CA 125 test to come in from the ER, but that based on what she saw in my Ultrasound report, she thought that I have Endometriosis. She left the room to check if the results from the test came in and then came back to tell me that the results of the CA 125 test were positive.
Hearing her say this stopped me dead in my tracks! I know I must have had a shocked look on my face, because she immediately told me that the test result should be interpreted that there was increased risk that I could have ovarian cancer, but that it didn't mean that I actually did have it. She explained that a number of benign conditions can cause elevations of the CA 125 level,
including pregnancy, endometriosis, uterine fibroids (benign tumors),
pancreatitis, normal menstruation,
pelvic inflammatory disease, and liver
disease. Benign tumors or cysts of the ovaries can also cause an abnormal test result. She said that she thought that I have Endometriosis and I know for sure that I have uterine fibroids and ovarian cysts. I'm praying that these conditions are what caused the positive test result! Either way, it looks like I'm going to have to have a Hysterectomy and Oophorectomy sometime really soon.
So, I ended up having to set up an appointment with a Gynecological Oncologist for this Thursday. We'll see what he has to say and then go from there. In the meantime, I have a Panama Canal Cruise booked to sail from Ft. Lauderdale, Florida on December 20th and return on the 30th. I really hope that I don't have to have this surgery done before then, because I'll have to postpone the cruise. Even worse, I had to spend the whole Thanksgiving holiday worrying about whether I have ovarian cancer or not. I probably won't know for sure until after the hysterectomy. Needless to say, I've had some pretty dark moments about this whole thing!
Sure, we all have to die someday, but there is nothing more sobering than having to face your own mortality. The worst part is just hanging and not knowing for sure. I pray to God I don't have it!
Meanwhile, whether I have it or not, I'm going to try to remain positive and I plan to be alive and kicking for a long time!
So I'll end this post with an appropriate song that has always been one of my favorites, but is even more so now after this experience.
I know that there's a reason that all of this is happening and I hope that the outcome is a good one!
As evidenced in my past blog posts, the wonderful world of Facebook has presented me with some very interesting experiences, some of which have shown up in the last few months. There is one in particular going on right now that is absolutely wonderful, but I'm going to keep that to myself . . . There are several others that have me shaking my head, one of which I wrote about in my previous blog post named "Out of the Blue".
The other experience began on . . . believe it or not . . . Halloween! I received a friend request from somebody who is a mutual friend of several other Facebook friends of mine, so I accepted their request. This person turned out to be extremely intelligent, with a background and interests very similar to mine. We chatted quite a bit about our past and current experiences and the conversations were very stimulating and enjoyable! Such a bright and interesting person this friend was turning out to be!
As we continued to chat, this person began to strongly indicate that they wanted to be involved romantically. I was very clear up front about my current situation and where I stood. But I will have to say that I found this person's forthrightness and sheer directness to be quite refreshing in a world where there is so much dishonesty and deception. However, their desire to be involved increased exponentially in a very small amount of time, to the point where they were professing their love after only talking with me for about a week.
Despite the fact that this person is incredibly intelligent and possesses many outstanding qualities, their behavior was becoming a bit unsteady. They were starting to go to emotional extremes and were all over the place. They announced that they had made travel plans to come to Dallas to have dinner with me! This was happening way too fast and was becoming a bit worrisome! This all made me very sad because I know that they've been through a whole lot this past year!
Well, one recent evening it became quite obvious that they were being very standoffish to me on Facebook. However, it didn't surprise me with all the emotional extremes they had been experiencing in such a short time. They messaged me the next morning to apologize, saying that a visit to their therapist had made it clear that they were suffering emotional extremes due to everything they have been through over the past year. They also indicated that they would like to just remain friends on Facebook, which is fine with me!
This situation brought back an old song by Animotion to mind:
To be honest, I like this friend very much, especially their keen intelligence and
directness! I do hope that they can find peace, stability and what they
need in their life! They've worked very hard and deserve it!
This Veteran's Day 2012 marks the one year anniversary of my Blog! I ended up starting my Blog this time last year in response to a smart-ass comment from somebody who called herself "Snark". Snark's remark, along with my true passion for our country and it's veterans, got this whole thing started! Thank you, Snark and a huge thank you to all veterans who have served in our Armed Forces! I don't often like to talk about myself, but this Blog helps me greatly to express what is in my heart, which has helped me immensely!
I also want to honor my ancestors who have honorable served our country and have updated my memorial picture of them:
In Honor of My Veteran Ancestors
I also need to honor my 1st cousin 3x removed, Captain Michael Duffy. He served in the 69th Pennsylvania - Philadelphia Brigade and was killed in action on July 2, 1863 at the Angle in Gettysburg. He was only 24 years old when he died, but looked to be about 60 years old in his picture below:
In Honor of Captain Michael Duffy
Soldiers in the Civil War lived under some very harsh conditions, and it really showed! I'm proud to say that the 69th Pennsylvania - Philadelphia Brigade consisted mostly of Irish immigrants and it's memorial at Gettysburg has a shamrock on it!
And last, but not least, I also want to honor a very special person very close to me who sacrificed greatly in service of our country. Tegan, thank you for your selfless and honorable service to our country! You are so hard on yourself for being human, but you are one of the bravest and kindest souls that I've ever met! I'm so proud of you and your service!
For Major Tegan Marie Smith, Thank You for your Service!
Thank you so much to all of the special veterans in my life and to all US and Canadian veterans!
We all have our responsibilities in life . . . home, family, work, and bills. We get up every morning and go to work, come home and take care of household matters, pay bills and tend to children. The whole routine can get to be a long blur of boredom after a while. The ubiquitous and glittering mirage in the distance beckons, and sometimes its pull is seductively overpowering!
An Enchanted Evening Under the Stars
Oh yeah, give me that sleek, sexy car along with musk scented evenings with wine, candles and a sultry lover to tend to my every need! The mirage dominates my brain and I can't seem to vanquish it. Loved ones continue to inquire about that dreamy look in my eye and where my mind is at. If they only knew . . . I want and need passion so badly, but is it worth the steep price I'd have to pay to get it?
After much thought, I've come to the realization that there is a way around all of this, and that is in my dreams. I can go anywhere and do whatever I want to in my dreams!
I can't help but think that Gary Wright must have had the same sentiment as me when he wrote this song:
Back in the latter part of September, I received a message out of the blue on Facebook from a man who served with me at Camp Parks RFTA in Dublin, CA back in the earlier years of the Millennium. The unit that we served in was a joint service one with Army, Navy, Air Force and Marines working side by side. He was Army and I was Air Force.
I always thought that he was handsome, but he was very quiet and we never spoke much back then. We spoke briefly about retirement one time right before I left in 2004. That's the one and only time that we ever spoke, other than saying "Hi" in the hall.
So back to the present, this man said that he looked me up on Facebook and found my profile, then he sent me a message. What I found intriguing is why he was trying to find me after 8 years. He told me that he had been deployed to Afghanistan and I get the impression that it was more than once. I can't even imagine how bad that must have been for him! I do know that he has a young child and that must have been torture to leave him! I'll have to ask him more about that some time.
Here is a picture of him over in Afghanistan with a little Afghan girl:
It is flattering to have somebody who I barely knew contact me out of the blue 8 years after I last saw them. I guess that I must have made a lasting impression on him, somehow!
I've talked with him via Facebook message for over a month now and he seems to be a very nice man. He's been very respectful and has said nothing untoward. I think that I'd like to keep in contact with him as friends.
It's amazing how much Facebook opens up the world to us!
10/29/2012 Update
I've been talking back and forth with this guy and he seemed very nice. So, I get up this morning and find that he sent me a message at 6:00 AM saying that his mom is really sick and to please wire $2K into some woman's account first thing this morning and that he'll pay me back. What stinks even worse is that the bank account he provided is at a credit union in my home town in Pennsylvania! My home town is truly a podunk one where the bars look like garages, so this really scared me badly!
I barely knew this guy in California and all of a sudden after 8 years he's contacting me. Okay, this can happen these days with Facebook and all, but asking me out of the blue to wire $2K to some chick's account? Where is this guy's family? I strongly suspect that he's a con artist and promptly told him so. After I told him this, I unfriended and blocked him on Facebook.
This really scares the hell out of me! I would never ask somebody that I barely knew to wire money to an account, especially that much money! Even if his mother really is sick, I truly question the character of somebody who would put a new friend on the spot to wire money.
I feel very sad that something that seemed so nice has turned into something this bad! My distrust for people has increased substantially because of this incident. Goodbye J-Lo! I hope not to hear from you ever again! Go try to con somebody else!
I reached out and did something especially bold last week and it paid off! I've got several posts here in my Blog in which I lament the loss of a connection that I had with somebody in the past. I knew this person on a casual basis for a few years at work, but always wished that we could have been closer friends. Unfortunately, they moved away last year and this never happened. I've thought about them often since they left and hoped that we could connect again.
Well one night last week after a couple of glasses of wine, I decided to take the plunge and send a message to ask if they wanted to be in touch online. Once I did this, I decided that I was just going to let things ride and see what happened . . . without stressing about it. In retrospect, I've observed that this is quite a departure from how I've done things in the past. I didn't realize how much I've changed over the last year, but I'm happy about it! I'm finally starting to overcome being hurt in the past and learn how to reach out to people again.
So, I went about my business and the next day I received a very nice reply to my message! This person messaged me back to say that they're interested in staying in touch! This means so much to me that it feels like a breath of fresh air has come back into my life . . . and a much needed one at that! I can compare the feeling that I have to the first days of Spring, when little buds appear on the trees and everything is starting to come back alive after a long and cold Winter.
During the time that they were here, I actually looked forward to getting up in the morning and going to work, just so I could see and talk with them. Although I've always been intrinsically motivated to look and perform my best, I made a special effort to do even more whenever they were around. They gave me a reason to surpass my goals. Some people out there might think that this is dorky, but I don't care! It takes a very special person to motivate me in this manner, and I've met very few like them!
This person asked me about some of the friendships that I have online and how they came to be. What I couldn't quite tell them at the time is that all of this happened due to a quest for knowledge to learn more about them. I hope that I can tell them this one day.
So, I don't know what will end up happening out of all of this. Hopefully we will develop a good and lasting connection. But as with most things, only time will tell . . .
October 17, 2012 Update
Well, we've messaged back and forth a few times, but they've been out of touch for about a week now. I hope that this doesn't continue. What's a link without comms?
I'm glad that you found your way to my Blog! I like to write posts here about my travels, current events, and my feelings about the people and things that figure prominently in my life. I hope that you enjoy what I have to say here and please feel free to leave me your comments. I would enjoy hearing from you!
