Exhale Loudly

I have always strongly believed that a woman should be able to stand on her own two feet physically, mentally, emotionally and financially.  I learned this from watching my mother go through the hell of being a housewife completely dependent on my father for everything.  Unfortunately, I really do think that when a woman allows herself to be financially dependent on somebody else that she's opening herself up to potential abuse.

I raised my daughter with strong lessons on the necessity of being independent and she has learned those lessons well!  I want this for each and every one of my female loved ones!

That said, I've been very worried for the last month or so about a much loved, close female friend.  Due to a recent traumatic experience, she was headed in a direction where she would be financially unstable.  Although myself and another close friend would never allow her to be destitute, I was very worried about where she was headed. A woman should never allow herself to get into a position where others can take advantage of her. There is no guarantee that myself and our other friend wouldn't get hit by a bus and not be available to provide help to her if needed.  There are so many awful people out there who prey on vulnerable women!  I was so worried!

Happily, during a phone conversation with her today, she indicated that she was going to resume the stable financial plan that she had before her recent traumatic experience!  I was getting my nails done at the time and the technicians noticed that I exhaled loudly after my dear friend told me her wonderful news!  I just can't describe how relieved I am about her decision!  I am still breathing easier and feel that a huge weight has lifted from my shoulders!  She is such a wonderful woman and I want so much for her to be happy and safe!

So the theme of this post brings back a song that I listened to as a kid.  It applied to life back then, it does now, and it always will!  I dedicate this song to my dear friend whose unfailing logic has returned!  Here's to you, my dear friend . . . you know who you are!  You are a very strong and capable woman!  

Helen Reddy knew the importance of being a strong woman in control of her own life!  My dear friend is the same, and I've got her back!

V-Day 2013

Valentines Day 2013 turned out to be quite memorable!  The whole day was very special!  There's nothing like spending time with the people that you love!

Valentine's Day dinner was delicious and we got to share it with my stepson Alex, his girlfriend Meghan and their dog Bernie.

Here is what the V-Day table looked like:

V-Day 2013 Table

The appetizer was beautiful as well as delicious!  It was tomato, mozzarella cheese and seasoned bread cut into heart shapes and arranged beautifully on a plate with a drizzle of vinaigrette on top: 
 

V-Day 2013 Appetizer

The main course was Jumbo Shrimp stuffed with Crab Meat and served with turn vegetables.  It was fantastic!  Here is how it looked:

V-Day 2013 Dinner

Dessert was fresh blackberries, raspberries and blueberries with whipped creme.  What a delicious and healthy close to our Valentine's Day dinner!

V-Day 2013 Dessert

I hope that next year is just as good!

Light a Penny Candle

Yesterday began like every other Saturday.  I got up, went to the Gym and worked out, then came home and ate some breakfast.  After doing some things around the house, I took a nap and then got up and went to Mass.

Mass was packed to the gills!  It was a special one called a "Blue Mass", which was held in honor of all of the first responders in Wylie. There were a good number of policemen and policewomen as well as firemen and their families there, all sitting in reserved pews in the front middle of the church. I thought that it was very nice that there was a Mass held in their honor!

While sitting there before Mass started, I looked up at the front of the church and saw blue votive candles flickering in front of the statue of the Blessed Lady.  I remember lighting these candles as a kid, but it only cost a penny back then to light one. People used to light a penny candle in prayer, usually for a special intention or in memory of a loved one who had died.  The votive candles looked like the one in this picture:

Since I have a very special intention for prayer, I lit four votive candles.  It costs more than a penny nowadays to light one.  It's 25 cents for the small ones and $2.00 for the large ones now.  I hope that my prayers are answered! 

True Colors

Every few months we get an orange slip in the mail from a place called the Arc of Texas.  The Arc is a nonprofit organization that "creates opportunities for all people with intellectual and developmental disabilities to actively participate in their communities and make the choices that affect their lives in a positive manner.” They teach individuals and their families how to effectively advocate for themselves and the people they care about. They also offer an array of effective trainings in advocacy, education, and independent living and have a wealth of knowledge on all aspects of interest to individuals and families of people with disabilities. What a great cause!

Well, we got another orange slip from the Arc in the mail about a week ago.  Adeline and I both had some beautiful clothes and shoes in our drawers and closets that we weren't using anymore. So, I spent several hours taking inventory of our closets and drawers and bagging up everything that we don't use anymore so that we could donate it to the Arc.  I ended up filling 10 bags.  Here they are sitting in the Foyer of the house, ready to go outside on the front steps for pickup.

Donation to the Arc of Texas

I felt very good about doing this as I know that there are many women and children who could use what we were donating!  But as I was packing it all up, something else came to mind.  As I evaluated all of the clothes in my closet, it became quite apparent that I'm a different person from the woman I was when I wore what I was bagging up!  

I shared this with my BFF and she told me that it wasn't likely that I've changed so much, but that my true persona was starting to emerge.  I think that she's right.  Yes, life events have caused me to change how I think about and do some things.  However, there are aspects of myself that I've kept inside that are starting to emerge.  I can't hold them back anymore.  Although the items of clothing and shoes that I was donating were very nice, they were just baggage left behind from the person that I used to be.  It reminded me of a caterpillar awaking in it's cocoon and emerging as a butterfly.

This whole experience was quite cathartic.  It made me see that my true colors are starting to shine through.  As with most change, I'm not sure that everybody in my life will approve of it, but I can't be afraid to let it show.  It will happen one way or another.

This song says exactly how I feel about where I'm at this point in my life:

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Like Cyndi Lauper said . . true colors are beautiful, like a rainbow.

 

Breathless and Over the Rainbow

Something that a friend posted on Facebook a few days ago reached out and captured my heart!  It was a very astute observation written by George Carlin.  For anybody who is reading this, it is well worth your time to go to this link and read George's words:

George Carlin - Something to Ponder 

The last sentence of his observation is very pertinent to what is going on in my life right now:  

"Always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away."

Most of us live our lives plodding through our day to day routines, checking off the boxes as we go, never taking the time to follow our dreams. Where is the passion in that?  Yes, daily routines are safe, predictable and comfortable and we need them to take care of business. But they do not take our breath away!  Sometimes we just have to jump off of the proverbial cliff and fly.  Taking the plunge is scary, but it's necessary for personal growth and happiness.

So just now I saw another post that has spoken to me so strongly that I see it as a sign:

"Life is too short to . . . wake up in the morning with regrets.  So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it.  If it changes your life, let it.  Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it."

I learned at a very young age that rainbows signify that whenever there are storms in life (or bad stuff), God is present and that after the storm passes there will be something beautiful to come.  So it is fitting that a very close friend just gave me this beautiful rainbow necklace and matching earrings:

Me in Rainbow Necklace and Matching Earrings

Here is a picture that I love and find to have great significance:

I'm focusing on my rainbow and it's leading me closer and closer to the cliff's edge.  I know that one day in the not too distant future that I'm going to jump off and fly.

Suspicious Minds

I grew up in a household that was plagued with marital strife.  My father was a dictator . . . a veritable modern day Napoleon.  My mother did what most women did back then, she gave up her job at the Bell Telephone Company as soon as she married dad and started having kids.  It was so sad to see a beautiful and intelligent woman have to beg for money for groceries and clothes for us kids.  She used to wear the same house dress day in and out because the old man was such a tightwad. She deserved so much better than the life that she lived!  Dad was classically passive aggressive and mom was always so depressed and lonely.

Watching the way that my mother was treated made me into what I am today.  I was determined to get a good education so that I could stand on my own two feet and not have to take any shit from a husband or anybody else.  As a matter of fact, I swore up and down that I'd never get married, but somehow, here I am now in my second marriage.

My spouse is very reliable and dependable and has many admirable qualities. However, this is his third marriage and bad experiences have caused him to have a hard time with trust. He doesn't trust me to have any friends or talk much to anybody at all.  I have made some really nice friends through Facebook, and one of them is very special and close.  As a result, accusations have been flying frequently, which is unfair as I've not done anything wrong.

So now I'm at a point where I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.  I stand accused of doing things that I haven't done. This isn't fair and it just can't go on!

One of my favorite songs by Elvis Presley describes the situation that I find myself in now:

We can't go on together
With suspicious minds
And we can't build our dreams
On suspicious minds

Yes, Elvis you were right! I've always bent over backwards to keep peace and harmony at home, often at my own expense.  I'm tired of sacrificing my needs for others, especially when I stand accused of doing things that I haven't done! 

A very close friend recently sent me this beautiful picture:

She's right, I really do need to follow my heart. And rest assured, I will.

Icy Hot Mama

About two weeks ago, which was 3 weeks after my Hysterectomy, I started having icy hot flashes. When I have these flashes, my whole body feels like I've rubbed Icy Hot Sports Cream all over it, especially in the upper half!  Then about a week ago I started waking up in the middle of the night bathed with sweat.  I've been sweating so much that the sheets underneath me have been wet!   Since I no longer have ovaries, my body isn't producing estrogen.  This is causing the hot flashes and night sweats.  I'm happy to say that I've not been suffering from any kind of depression or hormonal lunacy though.

My concerns about feeling like a lunatic are due to what I witnessed my mother go through after going through a surgical menopause.  She had to have an emergency hysterectomy after giving birth to my sister back in 1966.  The after effects were not pretty!  I remember one particular episode where she was on her hands and knees on the carpet just screaming uncontrollably!  Of course my mother didn't drive and was stuck in the house with 3 kids and an infant at the time, but this is certainly not a good memory or example of post hysterectomy effects!!!  God bless my poor mother!

Most women can start Hormonal Replacement Therapy (HRT) right away after a Hysterectomy.  However, since I had severe Endometriosis, I cannot do this until six months after my surgery.  I'm concerned about this due to the risk of bone loss and heart attacks that can occur when there is no more estrogen in a woman's body.  The most that I can do right now is take Black Cohosh to help reduce the hot flashes.  I am also resuming my normal exercise routine at the Gym this week, which should definitely help as well.

I'm happy to say that I got through surgery, the holidays and being on a cruise and I didn't gain any weight!  It's good to enter into the 2013 in decent shape and I intend on improving my fitness level even more!

Here is a photo of me in my orange dress two weeks ago:

Me on the Last Night of the Cruise on December 29, 2012

Onward in good health into 2013!