Running on Empty

I can't even count on one hand throughout my entire life ever saying this, but I will say right now that I am running on empty and it is a very bad feeling!  However, one thing that has not waned is my impatience with myself.  I realize that I was quite ill in the hospital, but cannot get over how long it is taking me to get my energy back!  I am seriously like my own Military Training Instruction (MTI) and cannot stand sitting around on my bum!

I work with a personal trainer on Tuesday and Thursday of every week.  My trainer is very nice but is a Master Trainer at 24 Hour Fitness and is extremely hard core about fitness.  Well, I got out of the hospital in the afternoon on Thursday, April 12th and went back to work on Monday, April 16th.  I figured on Tuesday, April 17th that I needed to get my dead bum to my Tuesday training session.  When I arrived at the gym, my trainer took one look at me and told me to go home!  He's so hard core I was shocked that he told me this!  He did tell me that Tuesday was too soon to do training after being hospitalized with a kidney problem.  I'm glad to say that I did go for my Thursday afternoon session and did pretty well and I worked out both days this weekend.

Even so, I still feel like I've been drained of all of my blood!  I really hope that my energy returns to its normal levels soon!  I keep thinking about a song that describes the way I feel and here it is:

Jackson Brown's "Running on Empty" from 1977 describes my current energy dilemma!

I still don't have my appetite back completely, which I don't mind as I've lost a few pounds and am able to get into my "skinny jeans".  We have a really great meal after working out every Sunday which we call "Desayuno", which means "Breakfast" in Spanish.  The meal consists of huevos (eggs), frijoles negros (black beans), plantanos (plantains), queso fresco (fresh cheese) and crema (sour cream) to go with the plantains.  I was able to eat my Desayuno today and it tasted great!  Here is what "Desayuno" looked like today:

"Desayuno"

I hope for an energy infusion this week!  I have been working on a post here on the Caribbean Cruise that we just took in March but I just haven't had the energy to complete it!  I will complete it this week though, for anybody who would care to read it and look at the pictures.

Until tomorrow, and hoping for more energy . . .

An Easter Week from Hell

We always do up Easter big-time with baskets and Easter Egg hunts for the kids, decorations, egg dying, and a big dinner.  Those were the plans for this year as well, but it didn't quite turn out that way as Mother Nature had different plans.  I did manage to get Adeline's Easter Basket done, and she and her mother dyed the Easter Eggs, which she really enjoyed.  Here is a picture of her Easter Basket for this year:

Adeline's Easter Basket - 2012

Unfortunately, the decorations, Easter Egg Hunt, dinner and everything else didn't happen because I became the sickest that I have ever been in my entire life.

On Thursday, April 6th I left work a few hours early because I didn't feel quite right.  I got up the next day and did a few errands to get some last minute things for Easter and then woke up that night shivering violently since I was so cold.  Then I got hot sweats.  My body kept alternating between chills and sweats and I started getting really nauseated.  Then I started getting pain in my lower right back and side. All I could do was lay in bed.  I couldn't eat, drink much or really move around it just hurt so bad.  I had fevers reaching 102.8 degrees.

This kept up until Monday and I went to my PCP Dr Amy Miller, who was kind enough to fit me in.  She ordered abdominal and trans-vaginal Ultra Sound tests and blood work.  She prescribed anti-nausea and pain killer medications for me, neither of which worked well at all.  I asked when the results of the tests would be in and her Staff told me on Wednesday.  I went home and back to bed and things got even worse on Tuesday evening.  Finally, the hubs came and stood next to the bed and told me to please get dressed because he was taking me to the Emergency Room.  I kept trying to put him off, but he would not let up, so I got dressed and off we went. 

The Staff at the Methodist Regional Hospital Emergency Room were really great!  They got me into a bed and comfortable really quickly, which I really appreciated since I had been in so much pain since Friday.  They ended up finding the Ultrasound test results and did some blood work and diagnosed that I had a severe kidney infection.  The infection was so bad that they sent me to stay for a few nights at the Methodist Richardson Hospital so that they could get things under control.

So I got packed up into an ambulance for the ride to the hospital, which is about 10 miles away.  I got strapped into the gurney like a NASCAR driver and they had me hooked up to all these machines.  They warned me it would be a rough ride and it was a little bumpy.

They got me there and wheeled me up to Room 504B.  I had a roommate since there wasn't an empty bed in the hospital.  My two nights there were filled with pain, morphine shots, blood thinners, antibiotics, anti-nausea medication plus much more. I couldn't sleep because there were two lunatic patients that keep yelling all day and all night at the top of their lungs. The hospital probably had to put them on the 5th Floor because there were no beds anywhere else.  One was an older female who cussed out the nurses day in and day out. The other was some guy screaming for "Stonewall".  Maybe he thought that he was at a Civil War reenactment.  I feel sorry for these folks because they were probably delusional due to medication and other unknown disorders, but they really kept me from sleeping.

Here's a picture of my IV drip the first night at the hospital:

The next night, the nurse gave me Morphine and sleeping medications and closed the door, which helped to cut out some of the screaming noise.  I thought it was great that I was going to get some sleep, but it was not to be. They wheeled in a young lady with Sickle Cell Anemia around 2:00 AM and she screamed all night in pain. I never realized how bad Sickle Cell Anemia can get and I felt very sorry for her. What I didn't understand is why one of the nurses couldn't call her doctor and up her pain medication dosage.  That was really unfair to her and to me.

There was a huge shortage of nurses at the hospital.  My nurse gave me some medications in my IV on Wednesday and it really hurt my hand.  The nurse didn't return for hours and finally I pulled my hand out to look at it and it resembled a rubber glove blown up.  I called the nurse and she had a more senior nurse come in to put the IV in my other hand.  The nurse was unable to do it after two tries of sticking needles into my hand.  Finally, she just left and was gone for about 1-1/2 hours and then the guy in charge of Nursing Instruction came in and got the IV into my other hand.  Then he left and nobody put my IV back on so I had no medications or fluids for hours. Fortunately, I was discharged on Thursday, April 12th later on in the day.

They sent an antibiotic and pain, anti-nausea and sleeping medications home with me.  I didn't sleep well last night because I kept wheezing and didn't feel like I was getting enough breath.  I went to my PCP today and she gave me an inhaler for the wheezing.  I hope that it works and that I can get enough rest tonight.

I 've never been this sick in my whole life!  As my condition improves, it makes me so thankful for my usual healthy condition.  To anybody bothering to read this, please take care of your health!  You never miss it until you lose it!

Confessions of a Former Tanorexic

I have always been a sun worshiper.  When I was a teenager back in PA, I wanted so badly to rub myself down with baby oil and iodine and bask in the sun all day long up on the roof!  Fortunately, my mother wouldn't let me do it.  I really hated her for it, but now I know that she was right and I thank her for it.  When I left home at 18, I was too busy working and going to school to lay out in the sun.  However, that all changed once tanning beds hit the scene.  After tanning beds arrived, all one had to do to become a golden beach babe was lay down and sleep in a tanning bed for a 1/2 hour session several times a week!  I just loved it and I had a golden tan year round for over a decade. 

This went on until 2003, but came to a screeching halt once my mother was diagnosed with Melanoma.  A mole on her back turned cancerous and she had to have surgery to remove the mole plus several inches of skin and muscle around it.  She was checked for recurrence every six months up until she died of heart failure in 2008. 

I've been attending my yearly doctor visits during the last few months and visited my Dermatologist last Wednesday to get a full body skin check.  My Dermatologist is Dr. Betty Park on Forest Lane in Dallas.  She is so nice and very thorough!  She checked my scalp and whole body, even between my toes.  She ended up taking biopsies of a red patch on my chest and a mole on my right calf.  She also said that I had some Actinic Keratosis (AK) spots on my forehead and temples.  AKs are small, rough spots occurring on skin that has been chronically exposed to the sun. Since AKs can develop into skin cancer, Dr. Park gave me a prescription for Zyclara creme, which is an immune response modifier.  I will have to apply it once per day to the affected areas for two weeks, then take a two week rest, then apply it again for another two weeks.  Hopefully the spots will go away.

The biopsy results came back the next day and the calf result was benign, but the chest result was Basal Cell Carcinoma.  Dr. Park told me that this type of skin cancer has a 100% cure rate, thank God!  So I'll have to apply the Zyclara creme to the affected area on my chest 5 days a week for 6 weeks.  Dr. Park wants to shrink the spot as much as possible.  If there is anything left after using the creme, it will have to be surgically removed.  Here's what Basal Cell Carcinoma looks like:

Basal Cell Carcinoma

I've read that everyone is at risk for developing skin cancer. However, certain characteristics make people more at risk for developing it:

• people with freckles
  
• those with fair skin tones
  
• those who burn easily
  
• people with light colored eyes, such as green and blue eyes
  
• people with naturally red or blonde hair
  
• people who spend a lot of time outdoors
  
• people who have a personal or family history of skin cancer or melanoma

I have 6 out of the 7 characteristics, so I have a high risk factor. 

For anybody who might be reading this post, please be very careful with sun exposure and don't use tanning beds, especially if you have some or all of the characteristics above!  Please also check yourself or have a loved one check you regularly for any of the following symptoms:

Symptoms of Skin Cancer

• A small lump (spot or mole) that is shiny, waxy, pale in color, and smooth in texture.
  
• A red lump (spot or mole) that is firm
  
• A sore or spot that bleeds or become crusty. Also look for sores that don't heal.
  
• Rough and scaly patches on the skin.
  
• Flat scaly areas of the skin that are red or brown.
  
• Any new growth that is suspicious

On to a separate subject, I had what I think was an amazing experience today in the supermarket after work.  I stopped by to buy some of Adeline's favorite cheese crackers. When I got up to the register, the cashier told me that they only take cash and debit cards.  Since I had neither, I started to leave without the crackers when the lady in line behind me reached forward and scanned her debit card to pay for them!  I couldn't believe it!  There are some really nice people out there!  We all should practice random acts of kindness on a regular basis!

6/30/2012 Update 


I completed my treatment regimen and went to a follow-up visit to Dr. Park's office this past week.  She was very pleased with my progress!  The AKs on my face are gone and the Basal Cell Carcinoma on my chest has diminished greatly.  Dr. Park wants me to use the Zyclara on my chest again for 5 days a week for 6 weeks so that the spot will clear completely.  I also have a what I thought were red spots on my cheeks, which Dr. Park said is mild acne which is caused by the bio-identical testosterone that I take daily.  She prescribed some antibiotics and some cream that I will need to take for a month to clear it up.  She also prescribed some Vaniqa creme for me to help reduce the peach fuzz I have on my face, which is also a result of the testosterone.

What Constitutes a "Friend" on Facebook?

I have gained a good number of friends since I joined Facebook last year.  These friends consist of relatives; classmates from Elementary and High School; people I knew when growing up in PA; friends at work; and people I have met on Facebook.

I was on vacation last week on a cruise and wasn't able to get online due to a lack of connectivity.  This break from the internet gave me time to give some serious thought to what constitutes a Facebook "friend".  The biggest thing that kept coming to mind is that there needs to be two-way correspondence. I also need for my friends to be courteous and considerate. There are some friends that I currently have on Facebook who have made it very apparent that they are seriously self-centered, some to the point of narcissism.  I find this disturbing and hope that these people can eventually learn the joy of caring about others.

Others like to collect  friends and seem to get great satisfaction in having thousands of them, but this is not me. I believe in quality over quantity. 

I had a birthday yesterday, and after contemplating what constitutes a "friend" on Facebook, I saw this as an opportunity to see which friends stepped up to the plate in the "consideration" category.  I grew up in a home where somebody's birthday was a very special day and it was treated accordingly.  I have carried this tradition forward into my adult life and enjoy having birthday parties for my family and observing my friends' birthdays.

It turned out that around 40% of my friends wished me a Happy Birthday, which I think is pretty good!  There were a few who said some truly sweet things and it really made me feel great!  I thank these friends very much for their sweetness and consideration!  They truly made my day!

I was somewhat disappointed that a few friends, particularly one who I hold in very high esteem, were not in the 40% mentioned above.  To be fair, sometimes folks get extremely busy at work and with personal affairs and cannot be on Facebook often enough to attend to their "friends" there.  This is very understandable.  However, there are others who seem to be online all of the time but don't seem to think that things like friend's birthdays, anniversaries, or two-way correspondence is important. This is fine for them but not for me.

So, after even more contemplation and bearing in mind that it is now Springtime, I have come to a conclusion:  I am going to do some Spring cleaning on my Facebook account.  All of my relatives will stay, even if they don't correspond with me very often.  Everybody who was considerate enough to wish me a Happy Birthday yesterday will remain my friend.  However, "friends" who have never attempted to correspond with me will not remain. A connection is pointless if there is no give and take. 

Disconnections from some "friends" will be effortless as they have not shown any interest at all in getting to know me.  However, there are others that I will have ponder very carefully.  I have fallen into the trap in the past of truly caring about people who don't care about me, so I will have to think very hard about who these "friends" are and then I will let them go.  These disconnections will be hard for me to do, but necessary to move on in my life.

For anybody who cares to read this and I end up choosing to end our Facebook connection, if you are truly interested in connecting with me again, please message me and I will be happy to make it happen.

In my honest opinion, all relationships require some work and need to include consideration, courtesy and correspondence, even on Facebook!  There are a good number of you out there who fit this bill and I'm very glad that you are my friends!  For those who don't fit the bill, please try harder at being a friend and you will be greatly rewarded!

Rotonda West on Dwellable

My Body

I just recently had my yearly physical and my doctor had me take a bone density test.  I always request to see all results of any tests that I have done at the doctor's office, so they mailed me the results of the blood work and bone density test.  I was a bit dismayed when I read the results!   Apparently may "T" Score was -1.0, with the lowest measurement in the neck of my left femur.  This means that my bone mass is 10% below normal.  To top it all off, I'm Vitamin D deficient.  So now I have to take one 50,000 IU capsule once a week for 6 months.  I already work out 4-5 times week and have asked my personal trainer to add some exercises into my sessions that will help to strengthen my hip.  Here is the image from the test:

Bone Density Scan Image

I am a firm believer in preventative healthcare and want to do whatever I can to build some bone back up in my hip.  I don't want to be breaking it when I get old!

Some other things going on in my life right now: We went to court last Friday and finally were granted Managing Conservatorship of Adeline, which has been a long time in coming!  Also, Alex and Danni moved in with us because they had nowhere else to go.  I am hoping that Alex and Adeline will grow closer now that he and Danni are living here with us.

I have to start packing today as we're leaving on Friday to go on a Caribbean cruise.  I'm really looking forward to it!  I will post pictures of it here in my blog.  Well, off to pack!  Until tomorrow . . .

A Great Week at Work

I'm happy to say that last week ended up being a rather good one for me at work.  It was National Engineers Week and two colleagues and myself were asked to represent our company at a local high school. We provided a presentation during each of the 3 lunch periods to young men and women in the Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) Academy there.  During each presentation, we got up and talked about our education and professional engineering background, gave a brief description of our job, showed a brief movie, and then took questions from the audience.

Here I am giving a presentation to the students:

Mae Giving an Engineering Presentation to High School Students

Here is another picture of me presenting in the front of the lecture hall:

Mae Presenting at the Front of the Lecture Hall

The students were very attentive and asked good questions.  It was good to see that many students, especially young ladies interested in engineering! 

At the end of the last presentation one of the students asked if he could have his picture taken with us, which I thought was very sweet.  Here is a picture of all of us and the student:

The Grande Finale

All in all it was a very rewarding experience being able to interact with these students!  Hopefully our presentations will help more of them to decide to go into engineering careers, preferably with our company.

On Friday a group of us was asked to attend a meeting regarding a formal design review that we had just finished earlier on this month.  It ended up being an awards presentation for those who worked on the design review.  I coordinated the design review and it was a huge amount of work and often a three ring circus.  I ended up getting two awards and upper level management really made a big fuss over the work that I did.  It really made me feel really good!

Hopefully when impending lean times arrive, upper level management will remember all of my work!  All any of us can do is work hard and pray.

A Tragic Beauty

I just recently became friends with a very attractive lady on Facebook.  She enjoys taking really sexy pictures of herself in mini skirts and high heels.  This garners the attention of numerous people, and understandably so as she is gorgeous!

What I am truly wondering is how many of the hoards who are lusting after her have even bothered to read her "About" statement, where she says some pretty significant things about herself.  My bet would be that not too many of these people have bothered to look behind the curtain.  But I have looked behind the curtain, and what I see is a tragic beauty.

In her "About" statement, she says that she projects this dolled up and sexy image to escape her past, which haunts her every day of her life.  I wonder if she equates the sexual adoration that she receives on Facebook with love, and if this is due to abuse that she endured as a youngster or later on in life.  The thought of this makes me very sad for her and all others who might have suffered from abuse, myself inclusive.

I may be all wrong about this, but I really don't think that this is the case.  I hope that one day she can come to terms with what happened in her past, learn from it, and then leave it behind forever.

So here is a song that I am dedicating to my you, my dear tragic beauty:

I hope to get to know her better and reassure her that she is a very special person.