Confessions of a Former Tanorexic

I have always been a sun worshiper.  When I was a teenager back in PA, I wanted so badly to rub myself down with baby oil and iodine and bask in the sun all day long up on the roof!  Fortunately, my mother wouldn't let me do it.  I really hated her for it, but now I know that she was right and I thank her for it.  When I left home at 18, I was too busy working and going to school to lay out in the sun.  However, that all changed once tanning beds hit the scene.  After tanning beds arrived, all one had to do to become a golden beach babe was lay down and sleep in a tanning bed for a 1/2 hour session several times a week!  I just loved it and I had a golden tan year round for over a decade. 

This went on until 2003, but came to a screeching halt once my mother was diagnosed with Melanoma.  A mole on her back turned cancerous and she had to have surgery to remove the mole plus several inches of skin and muscle around it.  She was checked for recurrence every six months up until she died of heart failure in 2008. 

I've been attending my yearly doctor visits during the last few months and visited my Dermatologist last Wednesday to get a full body skin check.  My Dermatologist is Dr. Betty Park on Forest Lane in Dallas.  She is so nice and very thorough!  She checked my scalp and whole body, even between my toes.  She ended up taking biopsies of a red patch on my chest and a mole on my right calf.  She also said that I had some Actinic Keratosis (AK) spots on my forehead and temples.  AKs are small, rough spots occurring on skin that has been chronically exposed to the sun. Since AKs can develop into skin cancer, Dr. Park gave me a prescription for Zyclara creme, which is an immune response modifier.  I will have to apply it once per day to the affected areas for two weeks, then take a two week rest, then apply it again for another two weeks.  Hopefully the spots will go away.

The biopsy results came back the next day and the calf result was benign, but the chest result was Basal Cell Carcinoma.  Dr. Park told me that this type of skin cancer has a 100% cure rate, thank God!  So I'll have to apply the Zyclara creme to the affected area on my chest 5 days a week for 6 weeks.  Dr. Park wants to shrink the spot as much as possible.  If there is anything left after using the creme, it will have to be surgically removed.  Here's what Basal Cell Carcinoma looks like:

Basal Cell Carcinoma

I've read that everyone is at risk for developing skin cancer. However, certain characteristics make people more at risk for developing it:

• people with freckles
  
• those with fair skin tones
  
• those who burn easily
  
• people with light colored eyes, such as green and blue eyes
  
• people with naturally red or blonde hair
  
• people who spend a lot of time outdoors
  
• people who have a personal or family history of skin cancer or melanoma

I have 6 out of the 7 characteristics, so I have a high risk factor. 

For anybody who might be reading this post, please be very careful with sun exposure and don't use tanning beds, especially if you have some or all of the characteristics above!  Please also check yourself or have a loved one check you regularly for any of the following symptoms:

Symptoms of Skin Cancer

• A small lump (spot or mole) that is shiny, waxy, pale in color, and smooth in texture.
  
• A red lump (spot or mole) that is firm
  
• A sore or spot that bleeds or become crusty. Also look for sores that don't heal.
  
• Rough and scaly patches on the skin.
  
• Flat scaly areas of the skin that are red or brown.
  
• Any new growth that is suspicious

On to a separate subject, I had what I think was an amazing experience today in the supermarket after work.  I stopped by to buy some of Adeline's favorite cheese crackers. When I got up to the register, the cashier told me that they only take cash and debit cards.  Since I had neither, I started to leave without the crackers when the lady in line behind me reached forward and scanned her debit card to pay for them!  I couldn't believe it!  There are some really nice people out there!  We all should practice random acts of kindness on a regular basis!

6/30/2012 Update 


I completed my treatment regimen and went to a follow-up visit to Dr. Park's office this past week.  She was very pleased with my progress!  The AKs on my face are gone and the Basal Cell Carcinoma on my chest has diminished greatly.  Dr. Park wants me to use the Zyclara on my chest again for 5 days a week for 6 weeks so that the spot will clear completely.  I also have a what I thought were red spots on my cheeks, which Dr. Park said is mild acne which is caused by the bio-identical testosterone that I take daily.  She prescribed some antibiotics and some cream that I will need to take for a month to clear it up.  She also prescribed some Vaniqa creme for me to help reduce the peach fuzz I have on my face, which is also a result of the testosterone.

What Constitutes a "Friend" on Facebook?

I have gained a good number of friends since I joined Facebook last year.  These friends consist of relatives; classmates from Elementary and High School; people I knew when growing up in PA; friends at work; and people I have met on Facebook.

I was on vacation last week on a cruise and wasn't able to get online due to a lack of connectivity.  This break from the internet gave me time to give some serious thought to what constitutes a Facebook "friend".  The biggest thing that kept coming to mind is that there needs to be two-way correspondence. I also need for my friends to be courteous and considerate. There are some friends that I currently have on Facebook who have made it very apparent that they are seriously self-centered, some to the point of narcissism.  I find this disturbing and hope that these people can eventually learn the joy of caring about others.

Others like to collect  friends and seem to get great satisfaction in having thousands of them, but this is not me. I believe in quality over quantity. 

I had a birthday yesterday, and after contemplating what constitutes a "friend" on Facebook, I saw this as an opportunity to see which friends stepped up to the plate in the "consideration" category.  I grew up in a home where somebody's birthday was a very special day and it was treated accordingly.  I have carried this tradition forward into my adult life and enjoy having birthday parties for my family and observing my friends' birthdays.

It turned out that around 40% of my friends wished me a Happy Birthday, which I think is pretty good!  There were a few who said some truly sweet things and it really made me feel great!  I thank these friends very much for their sweetness and consideration!  They truly made my day!

I was somewhat disappointed that a few friends, particularly one who I hold in very high esteem, were not in the 40% mentioned above.  To be fair, sometimes folks get extremely busy at work and with personal affairs and cannot be on Facebook often enough to attend to their "friends" there.  This is very understandable.  However, there are others who seem to be online all of the time but don't seem to think that things like friend's birthdays, anniversaries, or two-way correspondence is important. This is fine for them but not for me.

So, after even more contemplation and bearing in mind that it is now Springtime, I have come to a conclusion:  I am going to do some Spring cleaning on my Facebook account.  All of my relatives will stay, even if they don't correspond with me very often.  Everybody who was considerate enough to wish me a Happy Birthday yesterday will remain my friend.  However, "friends" who have never attempted to correspond with me will not remain. A connection is pointless if there is no give and take. 

Disconnections from some "friends" will be effortless as they have not shown any interest at all in getting to know me.  However, there are others that I will have ponder very carefully.  I have fallen into the trap in the past of truly caring about people who don't care about me, so I will have to think very hard about who these "friends" are and then I will let them go.  These disconnections will be hard for me to do, but necessary to move on in my life.

For anybody who cares to read this and I end up choosing to end our Facebook connection, if you are truly interested in connecting with me again, please message me and I will be happy to make it happen.

In my honest opinion, all relationships require some work and need to include consideration, courtesy and correspondence, even on Facebook!  There are a good number of you out there who fit this bill and I'm very glad that you are my friends!  For those who don't fit the bill, please try harder at being a friend and you will be greatly rewarded!

Rotonda West on Dwellable

My Body

I just recently had my yearly physical and my doctor had me take a bone density test.  I always request to see all results of any tests that I have done at the doctor's office, so they mailed me the results of the blood work and bone density test.  I was a bit dismayed when I read the results!   Apparently may "T" Score was -1.0, with the lowest measurement in the neck of my left femur.  This means that my bone mass is 10% below normal.  To top it all off, I'm Vitamin D deficient.  So now I have to take one 50,000 IU capsule once a week for 6 months.  I already work out 4-5 times week and have asked my personal trainer to add some exercises into my sessions that will help to strengthen my hip.  Here is the image from the test:

Bone Density Scan Image

I am a firm believer in preventative healthcare and want to do whatever I can to build some bone back up in my hip.  I don't want to be breaking it when I get old!

Some other things going on in my life right now: We went to court last Friday and finally were granted Managing Conservatorship of Adeline, which has been a long time in coming!  Also, Alex and Danni moved in with us because they had nowhere else to go.  I am hoping that Alex and Adeline will grow closer now that he and Danni are living here with us.

I have to start packing today as we're leaving on Friday to go on a Caribbean cruise.  I'm really looking forward to it!  I will post pictures of it here in my blog.  Well, off to pack!  Until tomorrow . . .

A Great Week at Work

I'm happy to say that last week ended up being a rather good one for me at work.  It was National Engineers Week and two colleagues and myself were asked to represent our company at a local high school. We provided a presentation during each of the 3 lunch periods to young men and women in the Science, Technology, Engineering and Mathematics (STEM) Academy there.  During each presentation, we got up and talked about our education and professional engineering background, gave a brief description of our job, showed a brief movie, and then took questions from the audience.

Here I am giving a presentation to the students:

Mae Giving an Engineering Presentation to High School Students

Here is another picture of me presenting in the front of the lecture hall:

Mae Presenting at the Front of the Lecture Hall

The students were very attentive and asked good questions.  It was good to see that many students, especially young ladies interested in engineering! 

At the end of the last presentation one of the students asked if he could have his picture taken with us, which I thought was very sweet.  Here is a picture of all of us and the student:

The Grande Finale

All in all it was a very rewarding experience being able to interact with these students!  Hopefully our presentations will help more of them to decide to go into engineering careers, preferably with our company.

On Friday a group of us was asked to attend a meeting regarding a formal design review that we had just finished earlier on this month.  It ended up being an awards presentation for those who worked on the design review.  I coordinated the design review and it was a huge amount of work and often a three ring circus.  I ended up getting two awards and upper level management really made a big fuss over the work that I did.  It really made me feel really good!

Hopefully when impending lean times arrive, upper level management will remember all of my work!  All any of us can do is work hard and pray.

A Tragic Beauty

I just recently became friends with a very attractive lady on Facebook.  She enjoys taking really sexy pictures of herself in mini skirts and high heels.  This garners the attention of numerous people, and understandably so as she is gorgeous!

What I am truly wondering is how many of the hoards who are lusting after her have even bothered to read her "About" statement, where she says some pretty significant things about herself.  My bet would be that not too many of these people have bothered to look behind the curtain.  But I have looked behind the curtain, and what I see is a tragic beauty.

In her "About" statement, she says that she projects this dolled up and sexy image to escape her past, which haunts her every day of her life.  I wonder if she equates the sexual adoration that she receives on Facebook with love, and if this is due to abuse that she endured as a youngster or later on in life.  The thought of this makes me very sad for her and all others who might have suffered from abuse, myself inclusive.

I may be all wrong about this, but I really don't think that this is the case.  I hope that one day she can come to terms with what happened in her past, learn from it, and then leave it behind forever.

So here is a song that I am dedicating to my you, my dear tragic beauty:

I hope to get to know her better and reassure her that she is a very special person.

The times, they are a-changin'

Bob Dylan really hit the nail on the head with his song "the times, they are a-changin'! Things in the world, the US and my life in general are a-changin' and nobody can stop it because time marches on, with or without us. Most people don't like change, but instead of kicking and screaming to resist it, we need to embrace it and adapt as much as required to survive.

The economy has been affecting many jobs in the workplace and this will likely increase over the next year or so. Although I don't think that I will be affected, I still need to be proactive by updating my resume and networking with colleagues.  I really don't want to have to move again for a good while, but will do so if necessary to put food on the family table.

Some of my relationships are changing as well.  My daughter used to call me several times a week and we would talk on Facebook often.  Now I'm lucky if I hear from her every few weeks.  She just got married last Summer, is settling into married life and doesn't really need Mom so much anymore.  It was Valentine's Day yesterday and for the first time in 10 years, I didn't get any flowers from my significant other. In years past I always got roses, no matter what. I did get a beautiful dinner and a card as always, so I'm not complaining, but the lack of flowers is somewhat telling.  Maybe it is due to the "Facebook Horror Show" that I referred to in a previous blog, but I really hope that this is not the case!

Here was what the dinner table looked like at our house last night for Valentine's Day:

The Valentine's Day Table

Dinner was lobster stuffed with crab meat along with garlic seasoned turn vegetables.  It looked beautiful and tasted delicious!  Here is a picture of our V-Day dinner:

Valentine's Day Dinner

Lastly, I'm changing as well.  I'm getting over a hang-up that I had for around the past 18 months, which is good.  I've been reaching out, trying to banish the intellectual and emotional loneliness that has had me in its grip for the past year. I have also increased my devotion to physical fitness and it is starting to pay off, which is so good for the way that I feel about myself!  I want to make new friends, but keep the old, which reminds me of a song we used to sing when I was young and in the Girl Scouts.  The song goes like this:

Make new friends
But keep the old
One is silver
and the other's gold

Here's to keeping as much of the good that you can and also bringing in the new!

That's all for tonight, so until tomorrow . . .

The Facebook Horror Show

I enjoy getting on Facebook daily to see what is new with family and friends.  My husband absolutely hates the fact that I get on Facebook.  I have had a Facebook account since around April of last year and he has dogged me continually about it since then.  He said that he thinks that I am addicted to it.  Last night he told me that the way that I look at the computer screen while I am on Facebook reminds him of a horror show!  Isn't that great?  I'm starring in a Facebook Horror Show!

I work really hard all week to support my family and I sacrifice alot in their name. I am not on Facebook looking for sex or anything like that.  All I want to do is keep up with my family and talk to friends!  I have made some friends on FB and enjoy talking with them about music and other topics.  There isn't anything dirty about that!  Sometimes I think that marriage is just like living in a cage . . .
 . .
In other news, it was very sad to find out that Whitney Houston was pronounced dead at 3:55 PM today at the Beverly Hilton Hotel on the eve of the Grammys.  She used to be such a beautiful and classy woman until she hooked up with Bobby Brown.  He was her undoing.  Here is, in my honest opinion, one of the best songs she ever sang:

Rest in peace, you beautiful lady!